


Hold Me Tight or Don't

by kaitlynisamused, sheithfromvoltron (theeShadyLady)



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Boys Kissing, College student Shiro, Implied Friends To Lovers, Kissing, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, SHEITH - Freeform, Strip Poker, chapter 11 will have this fic marked explicit, high school student keith, orphan keith lives alone, rating will likely go up around chapter 8
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-18
Updated: 2019-01-04
Packaged: 2019-05-08 12:16:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 13,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14694057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaitlynisamused/pseuds/kaitlynisamused, https://archiveofourown.org/users/theeShadyLady/pseuds/sheithfromvoltron
Summary: Shiro’d memorized the entire letter months ago while readying himself for this talk, but always chickened out after shooting Keith a ‘Can you come over?’ text.He couldn’t do that this time. There was only three days left until he had to leave and he hadn’t even told Keith he had decided to go to college, let alone that he was accepted to one halfway across the country.





	1. Chapter 1

**sheithfromvoltron:**

_ “Realized I can’t not be with you or be just your friend. I love you to death.  
 But I just can’t, I just can’t pretend we weren’t lovers first… _

_I’m pretty sure that this isn’t how our story ends, so hold me tight._ _”_

* * *

Shiro paced his bedroom for the first few minutes; then added the hall to his route; then the kitchen; round and round until he was circling through the entire house waiting for Keith to arrive. His fingers shook around the opened envelope as he took out the letter to read it one more time.

> _ Dear Takashi Shirogane, _
> 
> _ It is my pleasure to inform you that your application to the Garrison University of Astrophysics and Engineering has been accepted and we have an opening this Fall for you to enroll in classes as a first-year student. Your inclusion in this group is a testament to your hard work and superior academic performance, as well as the personal qualities that distinguish you from your peers. _
> 
> _ You’ll likely have offers of admission from many fine schools and that is why we would also like to confirm that upon enrolling at GU, you will be granted a full tuition scholarship. You will be granted this scholarship until your graduation from GU, provided that you maintain a 3.6 GPA or above, carry a full course load with at least one Honors class per semester, and remain in campus housing for the first two years of your enrollment. _

Shiro’d memorized the entire letter months ago while readying himself for this talk, but always chickened out after shooting Keith a ‘ _Can you come over?’_  text.

He couldn’t do that this time. There was only three days left until he had to leave and he hadn’t even told Keith he had decided to go to college, let alone that he was accepted to one halfway across the country.

Drawing in a steadying breath, Shiro folded the letter and shoved it in his back pocket while he moved to greet Keith at the door. “Hey,” the kiss he gave the younger boy was more chaste than usual, “Do you want to go on a walk with me?”

 

**kaitlynisamused:**

Keith was always excited to get a text from his boyfriend. Why wouldn’t he be? They both led pretty busy lives, so the chance to see each other was always more than welcome. He’d considered more than once asking Shiro to move in with him, but each time he tried, he chickened out. Shiro liked to take things slow and traditional; where Keith was impatient and hot headed, he was calm and steadfast. It was something he loved about him that also drove him crazy.

Taking his bike to Shiro’s, Keith hopped off, dashing to the front door with his heart racing. If he knew his boyfriend, this was probably gonna be either because he’d missed him or good news! Maybe even both? 

Opening the front door, seeing him took his breath away. Keith went to wrap his arms around his neck to kiss him long and deep as he liked to do when they hadn’t seen each other in awhile… but Shiro pulled away. Trying to brush the unease off, he smiled softly. “Hey handsome. You wanna go for a walk now? But I just got here?” Stepping forward, he wrapped Shiro in a hug, enjoying the familiar warmth and strength. “I missed you.”

  

**sheithfromvoltron:**

Shiro hesitated. He didn’t want to do this here. He didn’t want Keith to feel trapped in the house, he wanted him to have the option to get some space if he needed.

“I… I dunno, it’s a nice day,” Shiro rubbed at the back of his neck, a nervous tick that he’d been trying to break, “I thought—”

He was silenced by arms slipping around his waist and by habit wrapped his own behind Keith’s neck. Pressing a kiss to the top of his boyfriend’s head, he held him tighter, “I missed you, too, baby.”

Shiro didn’t plan on breaking up with him, didn’t want to. He loved Keith. More than anything. But he knew what this was going to look like. Years spent earning his way behind this boys emotional walls and now he was just going to leave him behind. He couldn’t do this.

He couldn’t tell Keith. It was going to break his heart.

“C’mon,” Shiro let his arms slide down and took hold of one of Keith’s hands, “We can go to the park.” He grinned, kissing the boy’s cheek before leading them off the porch, “I bet I can still jump off the swings farther than you.” 

 

**kaitlynisamused:**

Keith could feel his hesitation, but he figured it was just because Shiro might be having a bad day. Or maybe he really just felt like getting out today. After all, Shiro lived with his grandpa and sometimes it was nice to get away. Holding on tight, he only let go to take Shiro’s hand. That was one of the best parts of being together: simple touches. Getting to hug or hold hands or brush the hair away from his eyes. Intimate little things people took for granted.

“Oh, you are  _so_  on!” he dared, laughing as they started down the sidewalk towards the local park. It was a newer park, with exercise equipment for adults and play sets for the kids. Sometimes they came here to actually exercise together, and other times, they really did come to have fun. Today was the latter. 

Dashing to his favorite swing, the one with the red seat, Keith could already feel himself getting competitive. “Should we make it a bet? If I can jump farther… then you have to stay at my place next weekend?” Shiro was fairly conservative. He was the kind to leave you with a kiss at your doorstep and text you to make sure you were safe when he left. It was perfect, Keith loved every minute of it, but it was difficult not to want more. Maybe not all the way just yet! But… domestic things. Keith wasn’t as patient as Shiro and maybe it showed. 

 

**sheithfromvoltron:**

Keith’s laughter and lighter mood had Shiro feeling a little less nervous with each passing minute that their hands were intertwined. So by the time Keith was running to the swings, Shiro was jogging after him, shaking his head at what a complete, beautiful, perfect  _dork_  his boyfriend was.

The bet Keith offered made his stomach drop; heavy with the knowledge of the treachery waiting in his back pocket, but he fought it. Only offering one pained blink as he forced himself to ignore the weight in his chest and stepped in front of Keith rather than move to his favored black swing.

He touched the seated man’s knee, requesting him to make room for him to stand closer. “You make it sound like staying with you is meant as punishment?” He definitely wasn’t hoping Keith would offer something else as his reward for the bet.  _Anything_  other than what he was currently asking.

“Does that mean I have to ask you over tonight if I win? Because you know my grandfather would make you sleep on the couch again.” While sofu completely accepted Keith and his relationship with Shiro, he was also a very traditional man and would not have them sleeping in the same room (even though Shiro honestly wouldn’t do anything but let Keith sleep next to him).

“And besides that,” he mumbled poking at the peeling plastic around the swing’s chain, “I’m thinking if I win what I want is you to promise you’ll come over again tomorrow.”

Shiro finally looked down to meet Keith’s gaze and then leant their foreheads together. “It’s been weeks and I miss you too much.”  _I need to see you again before I go._

 

**kaitlynisamused:**

Keith’s breath hitched, not expecting Shiro to step so close so suddenly. It made him blush like the dork Shiro thought he was. Honestly? Sometimes Keith didn’t think Shiro knew the effect he had on him. He’d lean against the wall next to him and talk about the weather while Keith was a blushing mess, just trying to focus on his words instead of how gorgeous and wonderful he was. It wasn’t even fair.

“It’s not a punishment, it’s a reward for me for winning,” he promised with a grin, reaching up to brush an eyelash away from Shiro’s cheekbone with his thumb. Yeah, they were closer than usual, and it felt good. It felt righteous. They’d been dating for over a year now, and they’d known each other for longer than that. Despite the passage of time, his heart still fluttered in moments like this because they were so rare. 

Chuckling, Keith rolled his eyes at that comment about his Grandpa. Good old Sofu… He was a good guy, and open minded for his age, but very traditional about relationships like Shiro. “I’d prefer you stay at my place so we can actually share the room, but a bet’s a bet,” he murmured, studying the curve of Shiro’s jaw to avoid meeting those focused, shining eyes. 

That was when things… changed. Shiro was close, so close, touching him and being romantic and asking him to come back the next day. As much as Keith wanted to believe Shiro had really just missed him a lot, this wasn’t the first time they’d been apart this long. It was however the first time Shiro was reacting this way when they came back together. 

“Hey baby… don’t take this the wrong way, but are you dying?” he asked weakly, reaching up to cup his cheeks, studying his face to try and figure out what was wrong. “I… I  _love_  this, all the attention and the spontaneous trip to the park and you clinging to me. I’m kind of in heaven right now. But… you’re being different, and it’s scaring me.”


	2. Chapter 2

**sheithfromvoltron:**

_I wish._  Shiro hated to admit it, but, honestly, this would be so much easier if he were dying.  _Then you wouldn’t think this was because I want to leave you. I don’t. I don’t._

_I swear, it kills me to leave you._

Swallowing down his thoughts, he let out a falsely even breath and took a step back. “Nah, not dying, babe. Just making sure you won’t be too mad when you lose.”

With that Shiro lifted his mouth into what was meant to be a reassuring smile, but could have easily been seen as the opposite.

Shaking off the moment, he stepped farther away and dropped onto the swing next to Keith’s. “You ready?” A more genuine smile accompanied the question as Shiro waved his leg at Keith, tapping the other boy’s ankle with his toe. “If you can manage to land on your feet, I’ll buy pizza and you can come over for a movie?” Not figuring it was actually needed, but wanting to ensure Keith’s interest, he sweetened the pot just a bit more. “Sofu has his book club thing, tonight and won’t be around to later, so maybe I’ll even let you share my blanket.” 

 

**kaitlynisamused:**

Keith pouted, but took that as a challenge. When something was bothering Shiro, he always told Keith eventually. He’d just have to be patient, maybe distract him with little things like this. Hopefully a big thing, if he could just beat him in this one contest! They’d been doing shit like this since they met, and there was never one clear victor. Where Shiro had strength, Keith had stamina and spunk.

Getting ready to swing… wait what? “I thought you said you’d spend the night with me if I won?” he whined softly, lightly kicking Shiro’s ankle back, “You’re not chickening out on me right?” He didn’t want to pressure Shiro into anything he didn’t want, but he also really wanted this. Wanted to move forward, finally, instead of just staying in this stagnant state. 

“Sofu might not be around, but he’ll come back,” he murmured, reaching over to hold Shiro’s hand, dangling their hands together between the two swings, “I was… hoping to have your attention a little longer for such a huge decisive victory, ya know?”

 

**sheithfromvoltron:**

“You… you said next weekend, Keith. I can’t just—” Shiro nearly jumped off the swing when his phone started ringing.

It took him a second to recover and from the Star Wars ringtone, he already knew who it was. “Sorry, babe,” Shiro mumbled already digging into his back pocket for his phone, “I have to take this.”

But despite his words, instead of answering the request to video call, Shiro dismissed it in favor of pulling the same contact up to make a regular call. Holding a finger up and mouthing ‘sorry’ again, he stood from the swing and put some distance between himself and his boyfriend.

“Yeah, sorry about that, Matt. Oh, yeah no, you’re not interrupting anything, I just forgot you were gonna call today.” For the last month him and his (soon-to-be) roommate had been video calling and chatting once a week to get to know each other before they were stuck in a ten by thirteen together. Today they were supposed to plan their moving schedule so that they wouldn’t arrive at the same time and get in each other’s way. “It’s just going to be me and my grandfather so I can just stop by in the morning and set up, then you can have the evening? Okay cool, yeah I’ll see you Saturday night then. Yep, bye, Matt.”

Shiro hung up and ran a hand through his hair, frustrated, it was now or never. Well, now or just disappear Saturday morning, maybe leave a letter with Sofu to give to Keith… but he wasn’t that cowardly. Or maybe he was, but he couldn’t do that to Keith.

Slipping his phone back into his pocket, attempting to switch it out for envelope from the Garrison, but the letter was gone. Both hands flew behind him, groping at his back pockets like that would change things.  _Shit._

 

**kaitlynisamused:**

They were having a moment. A sweet, meaningful, romantic moment… when Shiro’s phone rang. Keith was speechless. Shiro had never answered the phone when they were talking, not even once. Even with Sofu, he’d wait until they were at a good stopping point before calling him back. So to say that was suspicious would be an understatement.

Even so, he let it go. Not necessarily because he wanted to, but because it seemed like Shiro wanted space right now. Swinging silently, the creak of the metal the only sound besides the soft murmurs of Shiro’s conversation a little ways away, Keith noticed a piece of paper on the ground. Reaching down to pick it up before the wind could carry it away, he was going to recycle it or throw it away, but it didn’t look like old trash. It looked kind of important actually. 

Opening up the folded up paper, his eyes skimmed over the headline. Garrison huh?  _Dear Mr. Shirogane, We are pleased to inform you that…_  

His heart stopped. Breaths barely slipping past his quivering lips. No… no, this was a joke right? This was a really cruel, stupid joke! No way this was… but Shiro… he’d been acting distant. Suspicious. He didn’t want to spend the night, and yet he’d called Keith over and… Tears slipped silently down Keith’s cheeks, falling off his chin and staining the paper in his hands. By the time Shiro came back, he was shaking with restrained sobs. “When we you gonna tell me the good news?” he whimpered, “Before or after you left me?”

 

**sheithfromvoltron:**

“Sorry, babe, that was just—Babe…” It took Shiro a minute to catch up to what his eyes were seeing as they flitted between his boyfriend’s face and the letter in his hands.

His first reaction was anger.  _Did Keith take it from him? Why would he open something that wasn’t his?_  But that mood hardly lasted long enough for those first few thoughts to be made.

The new and current emotion left behind was guilt. “Baby…  _Keith_ , it’s not like that. You.  _Know._  Me. I wouldn’t just leave you; I  _love_  you.”

He wanted to move closer, to crowd into his boyfriend’s space, but also knew he shouldn’t. He knew that sometimes he needed to give Keith space to run if needed to and Shiro just had to trust that he’d be allowed to follow.

“I know you don’t want to hear it, but just,” drawing in a deep breath, Shiro forced himself to look at Keith, “just, please, let me explain. I know you’re mad and I should have told you sooner— I should have  _told_ you. I’m sorry, but it’s not what you’re thinking. Please, baby…”   _Please let me explain. Please believe that I love you and I’ll stay if you ask._

_~~Don’t ask.~~ _

 

**kaitlynisamused:**

Keith let the letter fall out of his hands. So it was true. It was completely true, every word on that sheet of paper. Shiro was going away. He was going away  _soon_. Any time Keith might have needed to process this was taken from him because Shiro hadn’t given him the chance. His first reaction, like Shiro’s was anger.  _Did Shiro not trust him? Did he not care how Keith felt about this_? 

But then there was just sadness. An ache that couldn’t be filled because there was no way Keith could stop this. There was no way in Hell he could ask Shiro to stay with an offer like this. The chance of a lifetime. Keith couldn’t be the one to get between Shiro and his dreams, and… he wouldn’t want to. 

For a long moment he just sat there, eyes shut and hands clenching and unclenching fighting back tears and the urge to beg on his hands and knees. Then, resignation. Standing up, he tried to plaster on the best smile he could, dashing across the space between them to hold onto Shiro like it was the last time. It wouldn’t be. It couldn’t be. 

“I’m so…  _proud_  of you,” he whispered, unable to hide that he was shaking, but at least having the strength to say that much. “You’ve always wanted this. You’ve always been looking at the stars, I… damn it, I’m jealous of them right now.” 

 _ ** ~~Don’t go~~**_. 

“Stay with me tonight,” Keith asked softly, sniffling back tears while hiding in Shiro’s neck, “Forget the bet, forget it being a prize, just… stay with me. For tonight?” 

_**~~Please don’t leave me here alone, you’re all I have left.~~ ** _

 


	3. Chapter 3

**sheithfromvoltron:**

Shiro stepped forward to meet Keith, pulling him even closer when they crashed together.  _Don’t be so nice to me. I hurt you. Yell at me, baby, let it out._ “I’m so sorry.”

He couldn’t stand this.  _Literally._  Everything felt like too much and he couldn’t just stand there and pretend it was okay (because it wasn’t), Shiro let his knees give, dragging Keith down to the pebbled ground with him and quickly arranged themselves so he could hold Keith in his lap. His lips pressed to the top of his boyfriend’s head, eyes scrunched shut against the tears that still managed to slip and fall into Keith’s hair.

“Of course, I’ll stay. Anything you want. I…” Shiro tried to laugh, but it sounded more like a strangled sob as nuzzled he his way to his boy’s cheek. “God, Keith, I’m such an idiot. I should have told you right away, but I knew… I knew what you’d say and I can tell you’re thinking this is it. This is the end, but, baby, I swear it’s not. It’s just a year. Not even that.”

Shiro curled further around Keith, drawing his knees up as if to shield Keith from anything (everything) but him. “I’ll be back in the summer and on breaks and for a month in the winter. And we can video chat all the time. I’ll even send you postcards! And I’ll write you mushy letters…” Shiro babbled out every idea he’d had since he got the letter, wanting to convince Keith (and himself) that this was going to work. Because it  _was_  going to work. It had to.

“I’ll be back to see you graduate and I’ll help you apply to schools. You could get into the Garrison with me. Baby, you’re so smart and strong and I know you don’t want me to go, but we’ll be okay. It’ll go buy so fast, baby, you won’t even notice the distance.”

 

**kaitlynisamused:**

Before he could even process it, Keith was cradled in Shiro’s arms, surrounded in his warmth and safety. He hadn’t treasured this enough; hadn’t made enough effort to tell or show Shiro what it meant to him. Now he was going to be alone. Completely, utterly alone. As hard as he tried to keep himself from crying, he couldn’t help it. It hurt. It hurt to be left again. It hurt that, like his parents, Shiro might not have told him before it happened. It hurt that he couldn’t do a damn thing to make any of them stay. Maybe he was being punished by the universe.

Reaching up, he cupped Shiro’s cheeks and cut him off with a kiss on the lips. It was rare that Shiro let him be this intimate, but right now, he needed it. They both did. He kissed him hard, possibly a little desperate, and he didn’t stop until his lungs screamed for air. “I’m proud of you,” he repeated, his voice a little broken now, cracked and frayed like his heart, “I… I trust you. I trust you more than I’ve ever trusted anyone. Trying to… to make a better future for yourself isn’t betraying me. You’re not saying goodbye forever. You’re… you’re not my parents.” 

That last part was the hardest part to say because it was difficult for himself to believe it. To believe that anyone would want to stay; that anyone he loved would ever come back. That trust had been broken too many times, and yet here he was, fighting every ounce of instinct in his body and praying Shiro would keep those promises. 

“Give me tonight,” he begged softly, still cupping his cheeks, “Let me… let me in. Let me show you what you mean to me. I’m not great with words, and I’m not… I’m not great at being vulnerable, but if this is the only chance I have before you go, I wanna take it.”

 

**sheithfromvoltron:**

“I know you trust me and you’re not going to regret it, okay. And l will. Never. Leave you the way they did. I can’t—” Shiro pulled back just enough to look into his love’s eyes. He couldn’t have Keith thinking something like that. Maybe it was a small thing, or just a slip of the tongue, but Keith needed to know how he felt about this. “No, hey, you’re not understanding, baby, I’m doing this for us. I’m trying to make a better future for  _us_. Me and you, Keith. Me and you.”

The lump he’d been fighting from his throat one for a second as Shiro forced in a rough breath. “There’s no good—there’s  _no_  future for me without you.”

Shiro’s eyes closed, head tipping forward to Keith’s between his hands. “You’re perfect, Keith. You don’t need to change anything about yourself for me. I like you the way you are. I  _love_  you the way you are. But if you want to show me, that’s okay.”

He shifted, debating on how to get up as he stayed cradled around his boyfriend. Deciding it best to just keep holding Keith (even if it was the more difficult option), Shiro rewrapped his arms around the smaller boy and shifted more, lifting him up to get to his knees then up to his feet before setting Keith back down and brushing the pebbles off the back of his own jeans.

“How ‘bout we get out of here? We’ve got,” he took a quick glance at the time on his phone before shutting it off, “forty-one hours and I want to spend them all with you… if that’s okay?” Shiro’d already talked to (begged) Sofu about spending the night at Keith’s place (though his grandfather didn’t know that Keith lived alone) and he’d swore up and down that he’d check-in in the morning and that he wouldn’t do even a single thing that would make the man disappointed in him.

 

**kaitlynisamused:**

_A future for us_. Keith looked at Shiro the way Shiro looked at the stars: like everything he’d ever wanted was right there. And it was. Shiro was all he’d ever wanted in the world: someone who would stay. Someone who accepted the parts of himself that he wasn’t proud of, and pushed him to be a better person. Someone who made him want to try; who made him feel whole even on the days when he felt empty. 

That’s when Shiro said it:  _ **I love you**  the way you are_. Keith shuddered, feeling so overwhelmed his heart could barely take it. “I love you too.” Had they ever actually said those words blatantly to each other before? They’d said they trusted each other. They’d said they’d do anything for one another. But saying I love you? That… was a big step. A step which Keith took immediately. “I love you Shiro.” 

Happiness like nothing else quickly mingled with the crushing pain as Shiro gave him that time limit. Only… only 41 hours. It felt like he’d been punched in the gut, the wind stolen from his lungs as he recognized the mortality of time. Taking Shiro’s hand, he started tugging him away from the park, leading him the quickest way towards his little shabby apartment. “Make it 42.”

 


	4. Chapter 4

**sheithfromvoltron:**

The thing is… Shiro has said it before. Several times.

The first time had been whispered. It was a few months ago, on one of the nights Keith had stayed over, Shiro’d snuck out of his room after Sofu was asleep to lay on the couch with Keith for a while. It was innocent, just some cuddling and talking about nothing, but after a while Keith had fallen asleep. And it hit Shiro all at once —he’d known, or at least been suspicious of it, that he’d been feeling this way— but having Keith comfortable enough to fall asleep in his arms was enough to give him the courage to say it. Kissing his boyfriend’s forehead, he whispered ‘I love you’ for the first time.

Shiro wanted Keith to know, but didn’t want to rush him if he wasn’t feeling the same way yet. So the next few times were accidents, well, slips as he greeted Keith or when he’d do something sweet or cute or anything really, but it was always when they were in conversation and was easily missed as they changed topic or something else got their attention. And that was okay with Shiro.

Especially now that Keith really heard him. Now that his love had said it back without hesitation. Shiro couldn’t be happier. (Which of course he had to ruin by letting their timeline slip out.)

Keith was pulling him along before he could reply and of course Shiro followed without thought, but focused on trying to make this situation up to Keith; give him some small fix to make him feel better.

“Keith,” Shiro suddenly stopped short, tugging Keith back to face him. He could see Keith’s apartment from here, he could have waited, but the idea was so brilliant he couldn’t help but tell him now. “I can make it sixty-two, if you’ll come with me?”

He was grinning now, wondering how he hadn’t thought of this sooner. “I’ve been saving up since my first job; it wasn’t enough for tuition, but I can definitely afford buying you a plane ticket. You can fly out with me and Sofu and then be back before class starts on Monday?”

 

**kaitlynisamused:**

He was shaking, trying to keep himself from crying. Focusing on the now, because if he thought about the near future he’d break down. Shiro deserved this chance. He deserved the entire world. Keith would be selfish to not cheer him on. And now he had those words of reassurance: “I love you”. They would be the bedrock of his faith that Shiro would come home. 

Keith was so focused on staying focused that he yelped, stumbling back when Shiro stopped so suddenly. “C…come with you?” For a moment, his heart raced. Maybe… maybe he could come with him? Maybe they could have an apartment? Keith could drop out of school, he didn’t really care about it anyways, and they could be together! 

But no, that wasn’t what Shiro had in mind. His boyfriend looked so thrilled, to have Keith come with him. It wouldn’t be long, but it would be a little longer together… Stepping into his space, Keith cupped his cheeks and kissed him again. Oh he wanted that. Shit, he wanted that more than he could say with words. “You need that money,” he whimpered, “Y-you need food, and a place to stay, a-and… You’ll wanna go out with friends!” Touching their foreheads together, it hurt. It hurt to do the right thing, but he couldn’t let Shiro do that. “You… you might wanna come visit me.”

 

**sheithfromvoltron:**

Shiro watched as a light grew and just as quickly disappeared from behind his boyfriend’s eyes and he knew. He felt exactly what Keith was thinking and it made want to say fuck it and just tell Keith to fuck school and come with him for real. But he couldn’t. He loved Keith too much to let him do that.

But then Keith was saying no, well explaining it rather than saying the single syllable. “You just read the first sentence of that letter and panicked didn’t you?”

He didn’t mean it as an insult, just a comment, but still he leaned closer to drag his shaking hands up his boy’s shoulders and to gently hold the sides of his face. “The school is paying for my board for the first two years, that comes with a meal plan. I’ll only need a few bucks a week to pay for snacks and takeout, I’m not very high-maintenance. I already bought my tickets home for winter and spring break, it’s cheaper to do it early.”

 _Stop fighting me, baby_. His explanation nearly died on his tongue. Keith didn’t want to come with, not really, Shiro could feel him drifting away already. He wouldn’t have that. He refused.

 “Look at me, baby,” he nudge Keith’s cheek and jaw with his nose. “Even if I make a dozen friends—even if I make a hundred friends— I’m still gonna prefer to spend my money on  _you_. I’m still You’re my best friend. No one’s gonna top that, okay?” Pretty sure Keith had already made up his mind, he tried to convince him anyway. “ I love  _you_. Not them.”

 

**kaitlynisamused:**

Of course he panicked! How could he not? This was Shiro’s chance. His chance to make a name for himself, to get an education, to move forward and get out of this shitty nothing town. Why would he ever want to come back here? Even if Keith was here, once he got a taste of the outside world… But that wasn’t Shiro. Those were the demons in Keith’s head talking and he couldn’t shut them up. 

But then Shiro held him. Cupped his cheeks and explained so softly and desperately that he had to listen. “Really? Sh-Shiro, that’s amazing…” A scholarship that big to one of the most prestigious schools in the state? Shiro had always been smart. And driven. Of course he deserved this. Of course Keith had to let him go. 

But he didn’t want to watch him go.

“You deserve to make friends. You deserve to love other people and… a-and you deserve this. All of this. You might need that money for an emergency, for friends, for…” It hurts, it hurts so much Shiro, why didn’t you tell me? I know why, but it hurts, and now I’m gonna be alone again. Selfish. He felt selfish, but damn it, what was he supposed to do? 

“I don’t want to lose you…”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So we did lose one of the replies on this rp due to a tumblr mix up, (it was actually the last section of the previous chapter) but we did our best to match the rewritten reply with the start of this chapter. So sorry if this first reply feels a little off. <3

**sheithfromvoltron:**

_That’s the only reason I’m going, Keith. I was gonna wait a year, save up and do some generals at the tech college a couple towns over. I wanted to wait for you. I figured the Garrison would wait list me, like they do with everybody, but they didn’t…_

Shiro had so much he wanted to say to Keith, but none of it passed his lips until  a sad laugh bubbled up, “I might pack you in my suitcase anyway.” A joke because he was so afraid of what was gonna happen we stepped onto that plane on Saturday.

“I’ll never love anyone the same way I love you, Keith.”  _I don’t want to love them. Just you._   _You’re what’s best for me! You’re my world, too! Please! Please, Keith just come with me. I love you. I love you!_ ~~Don’t let me go.~~

Now, this was sounding like a breakup.

Shiro held everything in, muling over his response because right now the last thing Keith need was to know he was panicking too. “This doesn’t change anything,” Shiro twisted his hands in Keith’s to lock their fingers together, “even in Arizona, I’m still gonna be yours. I’m still gonna love you and if you need me I’ll be on my way back before you can finish asking, even if I have to hitchhike all seventeen hundred and fifty miles to get here.”

He returned Keith’s kiss to the boy’s forehead, “You’re not losing me, baby. There’s no chance of that happening. Ever.” Shiro breathed a sight, not wanting to keep pushing Keith, so he dropped the topic. For now.

“Okay, enough sadness,” his voice was light, but honestly what Shiro wanted was to just lay in the grass where they stood and hold Keith until they were both cried out (then hold him some more, but they’re time was limited so that had to wait, “how would you like us to start our marathon date? Movie? Pizza? Kissing on the couch? All three?”

 

**kaitlynisamused:**

_Why didn’t you tell me then?_  He knew why; Shiro hadn’t wanted to hurt him. If it had been merciful, he might have understood it better, but now Keith had such a limited time frame to handle this and to hold Shiro in his arms, and it was  _terrifying_. Had he been given a month, they could have planned together. Acclimated to this big life change together. They’d have had weeks to talk about the opportunity and when they’d get to see each other. It wouldn’t be so sudden and startling and it wouldn’t hurt this much. 

 ** ~~ _It would still hurt this much_~~**.

Wiping tears away on the back of his hand, he focused on those words instead of the fear. Keith wasn’t losing him. He’d never lose him. Shiro was still gonna be his, he was still gonna love him. He’d visit. Keith… wouldn’t be  _completely_  alone. Arizona was really far, but they had technology to keep in touch too. Focus on the good.

And then Shiro offered up all of these sweet and lovely ideas for how to spend their remaining hours. It warmed his heart, made him feel cherished… “I um… I-I thought maybe we could… we could try something new tonight?” Oh he was blushing. Blushing and fiddling with his shirt since he didn’t have his pocket knife to mess with. “You’re… you’re gonna be away a long time ya know? And we… we haven’t really… together….”  _Please read between the lines, I’m dying_. 

 

**sheithfromvoltron:**

Thankful that Keith seemed to believe him, Shiro allowed himself to take a step away, planning on continuing their walk as they talked about their date. Keith, however, seemed to have different plans.

The blushing and stuttering caught him off guard as he watched the boy beat around what he was trying to say. And honestly? Honestly, it took Shiro a while to understand. “We haven’t what? —oh… you want to oh, uh…okay, uh…”

Now it was his turn to blush. “Keith, you know that I, uh, I…” _That I don’t want to be that type of guy. That I think being in a relationship doesn’t mean we’re going to have sex. That I want to save that for when I’m married._

But those responses seemed thin when he was facing Keith like this. When he was leaving and promising Keith that their future was together; that he’d never leave; that he’d always love him. Saying those things  _and meaning_   _them_  meant that Keith was the guy he was saving himself for. And if Keith was already here and he was this sure, why should he make him wait?

Shiro didn’t know how long he’d been silent (how long he’d been blushing and looking down at his shoes), but he hoped it wasn’t too long by the time he finally looked up at Keith again.

“Yeah, we can… we can do that. But uh,” Shiro could feel the burning heat of embarrassment coloring his cheeks but a tumble of words continued to fall out of his mouth anyway, “I… I don’t really… you know I’ve never… so, uh, I might not be very— um, well, I might… be… bad…at it?”

_Sofu is going to be so ashamed of me._

 

**kaitlynisamused:**

Shiro’s response was… a bit less enthusiastic than Keith was expecting. Did he not want that? Was that why they hadn’t moved forward after all this time? The silence choked him like invisible hands at his neck, and he was ready to apologize and ask him to forget it. After all, this was a two-person deal! They both needed to want it, if Shiro wasn’t ready…

But then Shiro turned around. A complete 180 that had Keith stuttering and blushing harder. “Shiro, baby, y-you know… you know I haven’t either, right?” Did Shiro think he was experienced? Had he ever  _met_  Keith? Swallowing hard, he took Shiro’s hand again, focusing on a particularly interesting rock on the ground as he tried to think of the right words to say.

“I love you. And I… I wanna give myself to you. It’s not about being good or bad, it’s about sharing the experience together. About… you having a memory of me to take with you when you go. M-maybe something to help bring you back?” God, he sounded like an idiot didn’t he? Anxiety had him shaking, and he couldn’t even tell if this was what his boyfriend wanted. “I want to be as close to you as possible. I want to move forward with you.”


	6. Chapter 6

**sheithfromvoltron:**

Keith was clearly nervous, which was fair considering this was a relatively new topic for them. Shiro’d always been pretty blunt about his opinion on waiting for marriage (or at least for the guy he planned to marry (some day)) and on top of that he wasn’t exactly the epitome of sexual confidence; when they went to the movies, he still blushed and looked away during even the slightest sexual situation. So there’d never really been a reason to talk about this until now.

But still Shiro nodded, because Keith was right. They needed to move forward, they’d been in the same place in their relationship for a while now and doing this now made sense. He loved Keith. He was  _in love_  with Keith. And if Keith was ready then so was he.

Trying to soothe his trembling without having to comment on it, Shiro wrapped an arm around Keith’s waist, pulling him even closer. “I know you haven’t. It’s just, uh,” he was truly  _terrible_ at this _,_  “I just think you deserve a perfect first time and… and I want you to be happy.” Shiro brushed his lips against Keith’s forehead, then his cheek, his jaw, and finally pressed a kiss to the juncture of his neck and shoulder. “All I ever want to do is make you happy, baby.”

_Let me make you happy._

Eventually, knowing Keith would rather be at home, Shiro loosened his hold on his boyfriend, starting to guide them toward Keith’s apartment. “Anyway, I just meant I was kinda thinking that maybe we could still have dinner? Or a movie? Oh! Or poker!” He suggested, hoping Keith didn’t notice the bright flush sneaking down from his cheeks and stretching past his neck at his own thoughts. “We haven’t played poker in forever.”

 

**kaitlynisamused:**

Keith was so ready for rejection. So ready to be told ‘no’ and then be left again. He wasn’t going to fight or push him; this was both of their decision. As much as he wanted it, he wasn’t cruel or stupid enough to this his opinion and desire was the only thing that mattered. As he braced for the rejection… Shiro nodded. Not only that, but he made the first move. 

It made him breathless, those perfect kisses. Shiro was usually so chaste, Keith wasn’t at all used to having kisses anywhere but his lips and face. Now he was moving down, inch by glorious inch, and he was like clay in his hands. They could have stayed like that for hours and he would have been utterly, perfectly, blissfully happy, but then his boyfriend pulled away and they were going home. To his home. Together. 

To have sex.

The reality hit him about the same moment the nerves did. “I-I want it to be perfect too!” he said without holding back, “B-but any first is perfect with you. E-even if we mess up, i-it’ll be a memory I’ll treasure forever…” Holy shit, he was  _in_. This was a thing. Oh god, he should have worn something hotter!

But just like that, Shiro made it casual. Still exciting but… less scary. It was just them. Just a relaxing Saturday night with his boyfriend. They didn’t need to focus on the new thing, not all night. Swallowing hard, he leaned into him as he held his hand, humming thoughtfully with a smile. “Poker huh?” he teased, glancing up at him with an eyebrow raised, “How about we up the stakes? Make it a game with… consequences?”

 

**sheithfromvoltron:**

Shiro didn’t have the capacity (or time) to tell Keith everything he was thinking.  _You won’t mess anything up. You’re perfect. Memories? Please, quit talking like we’re not gonna last. We will, baby. I promise._ But he’d show him. Later.

“Consequences?” Shiro finally echoed a response, adding a shy smile. “If you’re thinking what I’m thinking… I guess I could go for that. Especially since you kinda backed out of this last bet,” he added, letting his smile stretch to a grin as he pulled Keith close enough that their hips brushed as they walked the remaining distance to the apartment.

A few minutes later, they were finally (finally? they weren’t even ten minutes to the park) inside and Shiro could literally feel his muscles relaxing from the familiarity of the small space. It was small and a little dark and so  _so_  different from his Grandfather’s house that he was used to, but something about the apartment still felt welcoming (felt like  _home_ ).

Pulling Keith back for a tight hug and a kiss to the nose, Shiro mumbled out an apology, followed by “I’m gonna check in with Sofu really quick, then I’m all yours for the night, okay?” He snuck a last kiss to the boy’s cheek before moving towards the couch to call his grandfather.

> “Hi, Sofu. I know you’re busy, but I just wanted to remind you that I won’t be home when you get back tonight. And I— wait, what?” The surprise in his grandfather’s voice caught Shiro a bit off guard.  _Oh… oh, no._ Shiro was on the verge of panicking, he already promised Keith I romantic evening of gambling and lovemaking! …Not that he could tell sofu that…
> 
> He shifted his gaze to Keith, trying not to seem to panicked as he mouthed a second apology to his boyfriend before slipping into his second tongue to argue with his grandfather.
> 
> “ _Watashi wa kīsu to watashi no saigo no shūmatsu o sugosu koto ga dekiru ka dō ka tazuneta, anata wa watashi ga dekiru to itta. Īe, watashi wa ashita o motomete iru dakede wa nakatta, watashi wa ryōhō no yoru ni tsuite tazuneta, anata wa watashi ga dekiru to itta._ ” (I asked if I could spend my last weekend with Keith, you said I could. No, I was not just asking for tomorrow, I asked about both nights, you said I could.)
> 
> “ _Anata wa watashi ga kon'ya kīsu no ie ni tomaru koto ga yurusa reta to itta!_ ” (You said I was allowed to stay at Keith’s house tonight!)
> 
> “ _Sofu, watashi wa meiyo aru kōdō o yakusoku shimasu._ ” (Grandfather, I promise honorable behavior.)
> 
> “ _Onegaishimasu! Watashi wa, kare o aishiteimasu!_ ” (Please! i love him!) 
> 
> “ _Kare wa watashi o fumeiyo ni shimasen. Kīsu wa ī otokodesu, anata wa sore o shitte imasu. Watashi ga hanareru yō ni iwanaide kudasai. Watashi wa shitagawanai._ ” (He will not dishonor me. Keith is a nice guy, you know it. Please do not tell me to leave. I will not obey.)
> 
> “ _Arigatō! Sofu, arigatō! Watashi wa asa ni o denwa suru koto o yakusoku shimasu. Oyasumi!_ ” (Thank you! Grandpa, thank you! I promise to call you in the morning. Good night!)

By the time he hung up the phone, Shiro was nearly shaking (and he really  _really_  could use a hug). He’d just spent the beginning of their date arguing with and then lying to his grandfather. This was not what he planned.

But when he turned and saw Keith (not even doing anything special, he was just… being  _Keith_ ), Shiro was able to let out a relieved sigh as he moved toward the younger man. “So about those consequences…” he began, trying to skip over explaining what just happened, “since you seem so keen on not taking my money,” (and he damn sure wasn’t going to take Keith’s money) “I was thinking we could bet this…?” He tugged lightly at the sleeve of Keith’s jacket, hoping his face wasn’t nearly the same shade of red, then fisted his hand into the front of Keith’s shirt, right over his heart. “And then maybe… this?” 

 

**kaitlynisamused:**

The walk back home was playful and comfortable, just two lovers coming back from a date at the park. Keith imagined that if anyone saw them together like this, they might even feel a little jealous. He couldn’t imagine a more perfect scene, a more perfect atmosphere, or a more perfect chance to take things forward… Ok, well, Shiro not going away might have made it a little more perfect and a little less tense, but hey! Keith was trying not to focus on those parts too much.

Back inside the apartment, he’d always felt a little embarrassed when Shiro came over. Oh he tried to keep things clean and tidy, but between work and school he didn’t really have all that much time to make things look as nice as he might like. It definitely wasn’t as clean as Shiro and Sofu’s place. He liked to describe it as ‘lived in’. 

“O-oh, not a problem! Tell him I said hi,” Keith said, pressing a quick kiss back to Shiro’s cheek before he could go escape to the other room. Shiro’s respect for his grandpa was part of what he loved about him; his respect for people in general was kind of amazing. Even so, sometimes he did worry that he thought a little too much on what Sofu believed. Placed his values on what his grandfather thought was good and right rather than making those decisions for himself.

Maybe that’s why Keith started to panic when he heard Shiro switch over to Japanese in the room next door. That was NOT a good sign. In fact, that was a very, very bad sign. He tried to remain calm, sitting on the couch and finding his comfortable hole where he always sat _. He won’t leave, he promised you. Shiro’s never broken a promise before._

Well, except the promise that he’d always be here.

 _Shut up_. 

He was focusing on calm breathing when Shiro returned, and… oh. OH. Wow. Holy shit. Swallowing hard, Keith didn’t even bother to try and hide his own blush as he sat up, leaning forward with his back in a slightly provocative arch as he gripped onto Shiro’s jacket and shirt in return, “Only if you’re willing to bet these too?”

 

**sheithfromvoltron:**

Something about Keith’s apartment never failed to put Shiro at ease. He’d felt that way since the first time he’d visited the place. He’d been slightly startled at finding a pair of Keith’s jeans strewn across the living room floor and three ( _three)_ shirts in the bathroom, but not put off. In fact, he found it slightly endearing that even now he could glance around the small apartment and spy at least five of Keith’s red socks lurking about.

Along with those small comforts that this apartment offered him, today it also seemed to lend (just a little) confidence because somehow Shiro was able to smile at Keith’s words and whisper “I’ll bet them, baby, but I really don’t plan on losing them ‘til after the game.”

However, as quickly as that confidence had came, it fizzled out twice as fast, leaving Shiro flushed as he pressed his face against his boyfriend’s shoulder to hide.  _That was literally the (smoothest,) most embarrassing thing to ever leave his lips!_

If Keith hadn’t been sitting (or had Shiro been settled next to him), he have stayed there longer, maybe even curling himself on the small couch to have Keith hold him a bit. But being as they were in these opposite positions and he kind of missed seeing Keith’s face, Shiro soon straightened up, pulling from Keith’s hold to stretch his arms above his head to camouflage his blush a few seconds longer.

“Now that we know the stakes, I’ll grab the cards if you want to pull up a movie or something?” The suggestion was mostly because he was already getting nervous and wanted something more to focus on then the fact that as soon as the game started clothes would start getting shed and that would lead to one of them being naked, which would lead to both of them being naked, which would lead to sex and oh god he wasn’t sure if he could do this. It’s too much. Too fast.

 _You’ll be okay. You’ll be okay._ Shiro quietly started repeating to himself as he moved even farther away. But as he wandered back into the bed room to grab the deck of cards out of Keith’s closet, his anxieties started whispering some less helpful thoughts.

 _What if Keith didn’t like what he sees? What if he laughs? No, no, no. Keith would never laugh. It’s Keith. Keith won’t hurt you. He makes everything better. But maybe I should take the game seriously so that Keith loses? But then what if I stare too much and make him uncomfortable? What if **I** don’t like what I see? What if I’m not even gay and Keith and I are just really good friends and not— No. No, you love Keith. You’re in love with Keith. You know that, don’t be stupid. _ _You’ll be okay. This will be fun._  

 

**kaitlynisamused:**

Oh? Shiro and he were both pretty competitive, so along with the thrill of what came next was the excitement of who was going to win. Keith was pretty good at poker, or so he liked to think. For some people it was a lot of math and understanding the metrics of the game; for Keith it was mostly pure luck. “Game on sugar,” he breathed, leaning in close enough for Shiro to feel his breath against his lips… before letting go. Time to focus. Time to try and get his boyfriend naked.  _Oh, I’m gonna win_. 

While Shiro got the cards, Keith put on a space documentary; something that they didn’t really need to focus on but could work as some interesting background noise. It wouldn’t be too distracting from the game, which was really the focus here. Thinking on it, Keith was anxious. Sure, Shiro had seen him with his shirt off before. Keith had seen Shiro with his shirt off too. But more than that? Shiro had the conservative mindset of his grandfather, so he hadn’t had the fortune of any farther below the belt.

Sitting back, getting comfortable, Keith was practically drooling imagining it. They’d both be anxious and inexperienced, fumbling blushing messes. Keith would probably kiss Shiro first, tempting him to try for more, and maybe he would. Or maybe he’d take a little more convincing… 

By the time his boyfriend came back from the bedroom, Keith was red from his chest to the tips of his ears, a blanket in his lap to hide any sort of reaction he was probably having from that fantasy. “You wanna deal, or should I shuffle?”

 


	7. Chapter 7

**sheithfromvoltron:**

Shiro settles on the couch, putting a foot or so of distance between them for the cards, but makes sure he’s close enough for the blanket to reach since Keith was kind enough to grab that for them.

He’s about to ask to ask what version of poker they should play when Keith speaks up first. Before he can open his mouth to answer, a though hits and gets him wondering if the question runs deeper than the game.  _Was this some sort innuendo and Keith was actually talking about sex? Did dealing mean who was on top? Oh God, did he **want**  to be on top?! _He’s not even sure, he’d never really thought about it.  _Keith is smaller so that means… does that mean he’s a top or bottom? Oh God why was Keith asking this already—_

“I want to to—deal,” Shiro suddenly said to cut off his own internal rambling. Then repeated it a little quieter, “I want to deal, baby, if that’s okay?”

He was blushing, his hands shaking as he cut the deck and shuffled a few more times than necessary. The quiet “fpfpfpfp, shump” of the cards folding and bridging calming him down as he glanced up at the tv screen to see what Keith chose. The pick made him smile as the familiar intro ran across the screen, it was a documentary they’d watched several times, but was one of his favorites so he didn’t mind one more viewing.

“Alright,” he finally spoke, dealing out the cards one by one until the both had five face down in front of them, “I figured Five Card Draw would be best for this?” It was quicker and required a little less thought and a little more luck then their usual go to of Texas Hold ‘Em.

After a quick glance at his cards, he faked a twitch in his lips like he was fighting a grin and peeked back over at his boyfriend. “How many you want, baby?” He set one card from his own hand to the left to start a discard pile. “Dealer takes one,” he announces, still attempting to hold back a fake smile as he grabs one card off the top of the deck while waiting for Keith’s answer. 

 

**kaitlynisamused:**

Keith’s eyes widened. Shiro burst out that he wanted to deal, almost a bit desperate with the way he said it. It had him worrying. Was he ok? Was Keith pressuring him into this? Shiro had suggested the game, but maybe-  _No, he’d tell me if this is too soon. It’ll be ok, I trust him to be honest with me_. He was probably just as nervous as Keith was. It was normal. Shoving doubts aside, he smiled brightly. “Alright, here’s the cards. No cheating alright?” he teased, passing him the deck. As if he ever would!

Watching Shiro shuffle nearly made him giggle. He kept fumbling, shuffling for much longer than a dealer might usually shuffle for a game of five card draw. It was really precious! He’d seen his boyfriend nervous before, but never quite like this. “I don’t have a problem with that. I’ve got pretty good luck on my side!” 

His hand… wasn’t great. Even so, he put on his poker face, calculating the best he could what would be the best course of action. “I’ll take two,” he decided, handing over the two he decided to rid himself of. Peeking up over his cards, he let his poker face drop for a moment to smile, “Just so you know, socks don’t count as a turn for a loss.”

****

**sheithfromvoltron:**

Shiro nodded, the casual feel of the game already putting him a bit more at ease. He even managed to wrinkle his nose for a dorky smile as he slid Keith two new cards while holding his cards tight against his chest to hide them.

“Oh?” Shiro hummed, tilting his head as he looked at his own cards again. With the pair of twos he now had, odds were pretty good that he was gonna lose this round, so he decided to try and get a light-hearted start to things. “Then I guess you won’t mind if I just…” he grinned shyly, hoping neither his voice nor his hands were shaking as he reached down to one of said socks and pulled it off “…did this?”

His toes wiggled in the open air as he moved to pull off the second sock, then dropped them both over the back of the couch. Humming again, he tried to pretend it wasn’t a big deal that he was officially the one to initiate the shed of clothes that would now follow. “Okay,” Shiro swallowed, moving his attention back to the cards, “show me watcha got, baby.”

A moment later, when Keith’s cards were down, a squeak slipped passed Shiro’s lips. Keith had nothing, just an Ace high… which meant he won.  _He won!_  Which also meant… Now he was really smiling (and blushing like crazy) as he reached out to poke at Keith’s jacket, “Time to pay up, handsome.”

 

**kaitlynisamused:**

Keith visably shuddered, then blushed when he realized how obvious that was. Why was that so sexy?! Maybe it was the way he looked up at him over his cards as he took the sock off. Or maybe it was the insinuation mixed with that husky tone in his voice. Whatever the case, he’d never been so turned on by someone taking their socks off in his life. “N-no, no I-I don’t mind that at all! Not one bit.”

Trying to focus on his cards… it wasn’t looking good. Crap, he got cocky. He should have bet something else, but now it was too late. Setting their cards down, Keith knew what he had to do. It was less that he didn’t want to take his clothes off and more the embarrassment of losing after he talked so much smack. 

Swallowing hard, he smirked, sliding off the jacket Shiro poked… and his shirt beneath as well. “Jacket shouldn’t count either, since you don’t have one on too.” Shiro had definitely seen his chest before. Even so, this was different. This was shedding clothes with the intention of doing something about it. Goosebumps rose on his skin, and it wasn’t from any chill in the air. 


	8. Chapter 8

**sheithfromvoltron:**

A little confused by Keith’s smirk, but not by enough to distract him, Shiro watched Keith’s jacket leave his frame. But then the boy was reaching behind his head and tugging at his shirt. His shirt was coming off too?!

“Keith! You don’t—” but Keith was already explaining, making the excuse that the jacket didn’t count and while Shiro didn’t agree, he nodded, not wanting to argue because  _how could he? Why would he?_ Especially since now he was staring. He swallowed, subconsciously mimicking the bob of Keith’s throat while taking in the sight of thin arms, pale skin, and a soft tummy… That was his favorite thing; that, even though Keith was athletic and fit, whenever Shiro got an arm around him he noticed that Keith was still soft to the touch… he wanted to touch him now…  _wait…_

_Pay attention! Keith is talking!_

“You wanna switch?” Shiro asked hesitantly once the words settled in, still wondering whether or not he was supposed to be hearing innuendo from Keith’s dealing comments. “Maybe you should,” he said gathering all the cards back together, reaching for Keith’s hand to turn it palm up, and then pressing the deck gently into said hand, “you might have better luck this way.”

Since Keith was the one to shuffle this time, Shiro took the time opportunity to shift one of his legs from it’s position crossed in front of him to stretched out along the backrest of the couch. “Oh, and baby?” Shiro voiced quietly, tapping Keith’s covered knee with the foot that was now invading his space, “I think hiding under a blanket is also against the rules, so you, uh,” stumbling on his words, Shiro coughed,  _he was doing so well until now!_  “maybe, uh, you should probably get rid of that too? If that’s okay?”

 

**kaitlynisamused:**

He knew he didn’t have to. He knew Shiro would have been fine with this game taking forever and a day, but Keith was impatient. Sure patience yields focus, but he was done with being patient for this. Especially with the way Shiro was looking at him, he felt like he’d made the right choice. 

Graciously accepting the deck from his hand, Keith winked as he began shuffling the deck, quick and precise between his hands. “Don’t worry sugar, I won’t cheat. There’s no fun in that.” Not that he even knew HOW to cheat. Again, Keith didn’t really know too much about playing this game. His string of victories in the past had always come down to just… pure luck. Maybe he should have suggested another game to strip to, but well, fuck it!

Just as he was getting ready to deal, Shiro stretched out towards him, just one beautiful leg, and then there was… that. Oh god. He opened his mouth to argue that he could take the blanket off when he had to take off his pants, but uh… Shiro was still bound to see what he was hiding either way. It was just a matter of sooner or later. Blushing brightly, Keith tossed the blanket to the ground, knowing that his dick was giving away his excitement but having no way of hiding it anymore. Busted. “Y-you’re right, I was definitely breaking the rules,” he teased, sliding a hand up his thigh gently before dealing out the cards. 

Picking his own cards up… crap. Crap crap crap. Bad deal again. Even if he tried to trade all but one, there was probably no way he could win this. Swallowing hard, he put back two again, grabbing two.  _Oh my god_. 

 

**sheithfromvoltron:**

Shiro noticed Keith was a little reluctant about getting rid of the blanket and before he could ask if something was wrong, the covering was discarded and— _ohh, Oh!_ He knew he shouldn’t stare and Keith was obviously embarrassed, but he’d never really seen Keith like that and, well, it was… kind of…  _flattering_.

Shiro shifted, not even registering what cards he had as he looked down at them, instead letting his mind wander back over to the man opposite him and the tent that stood out prominently from the front of his dark jeans. When their makeout sessions would get a little heavy there were times when he could feel Keith hard against his hips, so this really wasn’t something knew to him, but the fact that today he was going to actually do something about it had him licking his lips and swallowing down a groan.

“Keith? Uh, babe, I—” O _h, God when did Keith put his hand there?_

Shiro shifted again, which was a mistake because that just moved his boyfriend’s hand up his leg a bit farther. “Babe?”  _What was he going to ask again?_  “Can I get three cards?” he asked, randomly picking a number and blindly handing over his cards to take the new ones.

His lips fell automatically at the new cards, pulling his attention back to the game. Still frowning as he laid down his hand for Keith to see and momentarily forgot about the pretty distraction when he glances over to see that his boyfriend has him beat.

Rather than wallowing, he retracts his leg, slides off the couch, undoes the button on his jeans, and slides them down. Not looking at Keith as he sat down, Shiro tried to control his breathing and pretend that he wasn’t blushing all the way down to his knees. “You can, uh, you can deal again, if you want?”

 

**kaitlynisamused:**

Exposed. He was a blushing mess, but that was normal right? Maybe he should be confident and cocky about it, but well, this was Shiro. This was their first time. This was exciting and embarrassing and his heart was pounding so fast he could die. It didn’t help that he’d placed his hand on his boyfriend’s leg, or that he was stuttering and visibly shaken too.

“O-oh, right,” he smiled shyly, grabbing three cards and handing them to Shiro with shaking hands. Keith traded 2… and got a surprisingly ok hand? And wow! He won! Holy shit he won! He won!!! Grinning ear to ear, he was going to try to tease and poke fun at him, but then-!

 _Ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod_. Pantsless. Shiro, his boyfriend, the love of his life, the man he wanted to possibly marry someday… was not wearing pant. Now both of their tents were exposed, and fuck, it had him breathless. 

Swallowing hard, he considered for a moment, deciding to try something risky. “All or nothing,” he blurted out with a blush, dealing out the cards, “A-are you in?” If he agreed, after this round, one of them would be completely naked. Maybe it was an impatient move, but it was fun too. Daring. 

 

 


	9. Chapter 9

**sheithfromvoltron:**

“K-Keith, I… I…” Shiro, to say it lightly, was startled. They were playing this game to help calm them down, to ease them into this new territory, but now? Now Keith wanted to jump in to this and it had him terrified. But also a little excited.

Keith had that effect on him. Where he was patient and careful, Keith was forward and bold. Even when they were kids, Keith was never one to beat around the bush. He’d tell Shiro upfront if he was mad didn’t want to talk much or if it was one of the days when he didn’t want to Shiro to leave his side.

And Shiro loved that about him; that this boy guided him and told him what it was that he wanted and when exactly he wanted it. It left no room for the doubt that liked to creep up on Shiro when he was too busy planning things and not doing them. And yeah, sometimes Keith needed to reminded that patience and focus went hand in hand, but other times Shiro needed to remember that life goes by fast and sometimes you need to act.

This game, this night, was one of those times when Keith was telling Shiro to act. So he did; trading Keith one card hoping to round off the partial straight he was holding, Shiro leaned forward a bit and grinned, "I’m all in,  _sugar._ ” 

 

**kaitlynisamused:**

For a moment, Keith thought he was about to get rejected. It caught in his throat, this dread that he might have gone too far. Why had he pushed? Why couldn’t he be patient? Why-

 _I’m all in_. It was like the heavens opened up and a ridiculous angelic choir descended. Shiro said  _yes_. There was no rejection, no judgement. His enthusiasm was met with enthusiasm, and Keith could feel his heart pound almost painfully against his chest. This was his Shiro; always surprising him. Always finding ways to make Keith the happiest guy in the world.

Looking down at his own cards, he couldn’t stop smiling… even when he realized his hand was probably one of the worst he could have. What could he do with these? Practically nothing. It wasn’t so much that he felt panic. More like… anxiety. Nerves. Playing two cards, it was obvious that no matter what Shiro had, he’d been beaten. Setting them down between them, he watched in awe as Shiro put down was was honestly a pretty amazing hand. 

Lost. He…. Lost. 

Standing up, blushing from ear to ear, Keith was shaking as he started to strip what was left: Socks, pants, undershirt… All that was left was his underwear, and that wasn’t going to last for long. “You may have won the all or nothing,” he murmured, taking a deep breath before letting the underwear fall down to his ankles, “but I think I win.”

 

**sheithfromvoltron:**

Shiro watched his boyfriend stand up and began stripping down, immediately fighting the urge to cover his eyes. His stomach roiled from embarrassment and nerves and maybe something else. By the time Keith was down to just his boxers, Shiro was shaking. He focused his stare on the flame patterned fabric, still having to remind himself to keep his eyes open and that it was okay to see this. That he  _wanted_  to see this.

When Keith’s fingers hooked into his underwear, Shiro shifted on the couch, unsure of the proper edict.  _Was he staring too much? What should he look at? Should he watch the boxers and take a glance as he refocuses on Keith’s face? Should he just keep looking at the tented are even after the last covering has been removed?_

He watched Keith bend forward a little and heard the soft rustle of fabric hitting the floor, still undecided on his course of action. But his reflexes made the decision for him.

“No,” he breathed, only managing a glance down before he was on his feet and looking into Keith’s eyes as he closed the distance between them. “I  _definitely_  won, babe,” he whispered shyly, despite what he was considering a bold action, as he leant in and pressed a kiss to his [very naked] boyfriend’s lips. 

 

**kaitlynisamused:**

Shiro stared, and Keith could feel the burning of those eyes upon him. It was as exciting as it was terrifying, for multiple reasons. His boyfriend was hot. More than that, he was amazing. Best in their class, best on every team he’d ever joined, best at everything. It was hard not to be anxious to please someone that great, but he’d be damned if he didn’t at least try. 

There was a moment, just a short pause between when he let his underwear fall and when Shiro decided to act. That was the scariest moment; the tip of the hill on a roller-coaster just before the plunge. But the fall? It was the best damn part of the ride. 

The way his boyfriend kissed him was enough to make his toes curl, his breath taken away by the passion he showed. They’d made out in the past, absolutely, but they’d never kissed like this. Shiro was always holding back, always conservative. Keith had no idea how he’d lived without these kisses for all this time. It was like he’d been dehydrated and only just realized he needed water when the drops hit his lips. 

Keith groaned, reaching up to tangle his fingers in Shiro’s short hair, refusing to let go. “I love you,” he whispered, “I love you so much Shiro…” 


	10. Chapter 10

**sheithfromvoltron:**

Shiro groaned into the kiss, one hand reaching bravely down to grab for the back of Keith’s thigh. Still barely able to believe any of this was actually happening, even as his fingers curled over soft skin and lifted the boy’s leg up to hook on his hip.

It flitted through his mind that Keith was naked and touching him. And that he’d just guided Naked Keith’s erection into pressing against the base of his stomach. But instead of feeling embarrassed or guilty, everything inside Shiro just felt  _right_ , like this was how it was meant to be.

“I love you, too,” Shiro panted out when they broke their kiss to breathe, only now noticing that his other hand was gripping the back of Keith’s neck. “You have no idea how much, Keith,” he added, bumping their foreheads together and nudging his way down to Keith’s shoulder to kiss at bare skin. _How had he gotten this lucky?_ Keith —amazing, passionate, untamable Keith— was here and happy and willing to wait for him. “No idea at all.”

_Let me show you, baby._

Feeling bold again, Shiro untangled his fingers from behind Keith’s head and started tugging at his shirt, but said fingers decided not to cooperate and he ended up with the fabric bunched up to his armpits as he made a grab for Keith other thigh and was able to lift him fully off the ground by instead grabbing one of those full cheeks he had barely dared to daydream about.

“We should, uh,” his mind was hazing a bit as he tried to speak while also attempting to relocate his boyfriend’s mouth. He found Keith’s lips before the rest of his words and spent a moment reacquainting himself, even daring to lick between them when Keith gasped for breath. “You wanna… uh… your bed?”

 

**kaitlynisamused:**

_You have no idea how much_. It was so easy in this moment to forget Shiro was leaving. That he’d be gone for so long, and that Keith would stay behind. He didn’t want to think about it; didn’t want to consider the pain he’d feel when they were done. This was a moment to savor and remember. Keith would be damned if he wasn’t going to relish every second they had left.

Shiro was much more bold than Keith had predicted! It was like he’d flipped a switch inside him, and the real Shiro, the one that allowed himself to do what he really wanted was released. His touches dug into Keith’s thighs, and he moaned imagining the markings they’d leave there. 

When he couldn’t get his shirt off? Keith… may have gotten impatient. He may have ripped it off. May have growled as he did it. To make things better, his lover even picked him up, as though he weighed nothing. His dick rubbed against Shiro’s abs and he whimpered, thanking every ethereal entity he could think of. 

“Bed, couch, floor, wall,” he listed breathlessly, nibbling at Shiro’s lower lip, “Anywhere. Just don’t let me go.” First time in a bed would definitely be nice, but fuck, Keith was desperate. The bed really wasn’t too far away, just down the hallway, but waiting even that long made him want to whimper in protest.  

 

**sheithfromvoltron:**

 Shiro shuttered at the growl his boyfriend loosed, gripping him tighter as he gruffly whispered, “That’s the Keith I love.” And it was true. Sure, he absolutely loved that Keith was comfortable enough to be soft and more open when they were together, but he’d be lying if he didn’t admit to also loving the more rambunctious side of him.

The side that chewed out the people who glared spitefully at them when ever they held hands. The side that had knocked a guy out for making a homophobic comment about Shiro just for wearing a pink hoodie at the mall. To be honest he loved all of Keith’s sides. All his moods and quirks. He loved everything.

Especially the way he kissed.

_Goddamn, he could get drunk on that (not that he’s ever been drunk in his life because he hasn’t)._

“I —got you,” was about all Shiro was able to groan out between the bitting of his lip and the fact that he just realized that he was grinding Keith up against his abs and was starting to feel slickness dripping down his stomach.

His legs felt about as stable as jello when he took his first step towards Keith’s bedroom. He honestly wasn’t sure they’d make it there at the pace they were going. Every time he rocked Keith back the tip of his still covered dick brushed against Keith’s bare ass and by the fourth step he was shaking.

But somehow Shiro stumbled his way through the short hall and into the bedroom where he practically collapsed onto the bed, barely stopping himself from crushing Keith as he landed on top of the boy. “Babe, shit, babe,” the sudden lose of contact felt like too much as he hovered over his lover.

“Thank—thank you for trusting me,” he knew talking really wasn’t what either of them wanted to right now, but there was a point to this so he continued, “and I just… I want to show you I trust you, too. So, uh,” he nearly whimpered as he paused to roll off Keith and reached for his boxers, arching off the bed as he shoved them down then dropping back down as he kicked them off.

“So, I want you, uh, to, uh,” his blush from earlier was back in full force as he looked at the wall instead of his boyfriend, too embarrassed about the topic to even worry about feeling self-concious. “If you want, I mean, then, uh, I can, um, y’know, since I’m going and you’re my guy and I trust you to be in charge and I mean if you want you can…be in charge…er, uh, on…on top…if you want?”

 

**kaitlynisamused:**

It was clumsy and silly trying to get all to his room like this, but the effort was impressive. Keith didn’t let him go for a second, and he didn’t plan on letting go the whole night. “I love you too,” he’d purred into his mouth, and the sensations were like nothing else he’d ever experienced. 

His lover was close, so damn close, and yet he’d never wanted to be closer in his life. It wasn’t enough; Keith needed all of him. Needed this validation to keep going.

Shiro provided.

It was amazing, from the lift to the kisses to they way he navigated the house. By the time they reached the bed, Keith felt like he owed Shiro an applause. And that’s when it happened: Trust. Complete and utter trust. /I trust you, so you can be on top if you want to/. 

An honor. A priveledge. A power he didn’t deserve. Shiro was a god, and he felt so mortal in comparison. Keith was speechless, stuttering and blushing a moment before he could even find words. “O-ok,” he finally nodded, taking a deep breath as he crawled on top of his boyfriend.

Now came the embarrassing part. Adjusting, straddling, deciding how to angle his boyfriend’s dick so he could take it all completely. “I um…. I-I’m prepared so… d-do you want to use a condom? Are you ok?” Small worries. “I-if you have anything you want or need, you can tell me ok? I’m… kind of new at this too.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> find kaitlynisamused on tumblr at [@the-littlest-bom](https://the-littlest-bom.tumblr.com).
> 
> and find me (theeshadylady) on tumblr at [@sheithfromvoltron](https://sheithfromvoltron.tumblr.com) and on twitter at [@theeShadyLady](https://twitter.com/theeshadylady). As well as on [ko-fi](http://ko-fi.com/N4N86EW4), where I do commissions! :)


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